The Time In Between

Recently, our family suffered a great loss. It wasn't completely public, as we were immediately faced with nonchalant comments like "Oh, that happens this early sometimes." and "Well, at least it happened early." from those I will not mention by name, and I just couldn't handle telling anyone else for fear of what I might hear.
On July 6th, 2009, at 7:50 am, our second child was still-born at only 7 weeks gestation. I say it this way because the word "miscarriage" just doesn't cover the anguish I felt in my heart. We knew we were pregnant for about a week before this happened, but it was long enough to get us completely excited about adding to our family. I even went out and purchased a cute hat and bib from Gymboree (on clearance of course!), called around to doulas to try for a VBAC this time, and make doctor's appointments. I thank God for allowing me the where-with-all to take precautions that morning and make sure I was able to hold my small child and bury him/her. By 7 weeks, he or she had arms, hands, feet and legs and I could see his/her eyes and nose. Our child was no bigger than a lima bean, but we were able to wrap it carefully in the new hat I purchased and bury it below a beautiful rose bush. Peter and I dug the hole together, in the pouring rain, and prayed over our child and for our hearts to heal. God is so good and He continues to heal my heart.
I was driving the other day and a song by Francesca Battistelli came on that brought me to tears. I couldn't help but praise God for bringing this song when He did, and I wanted to share the lyrics with you all, as they continue to aid in my healing.
****************************************
Time in Between
You were there when your Father said
Let there be light
You obeyed when He whispered
Son, You have to leave tonight
To spend nine months in a mothers womb
Three days in a borrowed tomb

(Chorus One)
But it’s the time in between
That brings me to my knees
Knowing you came for me
And all that I can't be
I'm amazed, so amazed
And I thank You for the time in between

Don't take much for this crazy world
To rob me of my peace
And the enemy of my soul
Says You’re holding out on me
So I stand here lifting empty hands
For you to fill me up again

(Chorus Two)
But it’s the time in between
That I fall down to my knees
Waiting on what You'll bring
And the things that I can't see
I know my song’s incomplete
Still I'll sing in the time in between

So many ways
Your love has saved the day
And I'm grateful for them all

(Chorus 3)
But it’s the time in between
The middle of two thieves
That says everything
It’s the reason I believe
I'm amazed, so amazed
And I thank you for the time in between
Oh Lord, I thank you for the time in between
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I find myself in the time in between, crushed by grief, but wanting another child so badly. We are waiting for a few months before deciding what to do next. In the meantime, I can be thankful for the time Jesus spend between two thieves on an old rugged cross for me. I can dwell on God's promise to never leave nor forsake me and I can be comforted by the Holy Spirit who dwells in me and "intercedes for [me] with groanings too deep for words. (Romans 8:26-27) I am comforted, as well, in thinking about the day I meet my second child in heaven and wrap my arms around him or her and whisper "I have always loved you."

Relying on Him for each moment,
Michelle

February- 7 Months

Downward Dog... getting more and more mobile by the day!


Waiting for some food at Moe's Southwestern Grill... one of our favorite places to eat.
Aram turned 7 months old and I quit my job! My last day of work was the sixth of Feb and so starts a whole new chapter in our lives, one that includes massive amounts of paperwork for state aid, figuring out new schedules of feeding, eating, changing, bathing, cleaning, Bible study, spending time with Peter, etc, and finding out who I was as a mother and wife. This stay-at-home-mom-thing was never my ultimate dream. I know, tsk, tsk. As a Christian woman, shouldn't it be?? Well, I learned that not all women were created equal. I was a wreck for most of Feb, trying to love being home with Aram (cause I thought that's the only attitude I should have) and trying not to be bitter about leaving my job. Funny thing was, God used this to mold my relationship with my son and change my heart. I"m not saying that I still don't miss working, but I now LOVE being home with Aram. Our relationship is strong and we needed this time to develop it. I still need to get out a couple nights a week and go to the gym (mommy time!) but overall, staying home with Aram was a blessing I never intended to receive. Here are few pics from February.

January- 6 Months

This is me and my good friend Jessica at her baby shower.

This is Aram with his favorite nursery worker at church, Debbie.

Snowsuit fun!

Goofy new hat... this is one of many!

January was difficult, not only was I a full-time mother, but also a full-time employee outside the home. Over the Christmas vacation, God was working on my heart to quit my job after 8 years and lots of security and great benefits. Peter was not eligible for benefits at his job and we had a 6 month old... what was God doing?? Thankfully, He is bigger and more in control than I (even though it took me a while to figure that one out!) and has everything in His hands. On January 9th, I gave my boss 4 weeks notice and finished up my work. The aftermath of this decision hit hard. I loved my job and was devastated to leave it. I felt so insecure as a mother at this point, that I felt like I was giving up the only thing I did well. Over the entire 4 weeks, God continued to work on me and bring me to my knees daily. Here are a few pics from January to enjoy. More to come in the February post!

December- 5 Months

We webcam'd with my parents, who are in FL, all Christmas morning. They just can't get enough of their grandson.

Yes, the ornament was glass; No, DSS was not called; Yes, I took it away as soon as the photo shoot was done!

This was our Christmas card photo... I should have stood on a stool or something.
Aram's first Christmas was a blast. He got an activity jumper from my parents and he practically lived in that thing for 2.5 months (until he was too heavy for it!!)

November 2008

Peter, Aram and I got to visit Grandmere and Papa Worley in Florida for Thanksgiving. Here are some hilights.

October- Three Months

So, Aram turned three months. He went through a really grumpy stage during this month, he just wouldn't be satisfied. He hated the swing, he hated the bouncer, and he wanted to eat constantly. Then he went through a growth spurt again... by the end of October he was almost out of 3-6 months and by Thanksgiving, he was in 12-18 (Gymboree size). Here are a few pics from that month and later during Halloween!!

Catching Everyone Up!

So, the last year has flown and my addiction to facebook has left my little blog in the dust. I need to catch up on photos, so am posting some from each month since September when I last posted. (Yikes!) This is bitter-sweet, as remembering all the things that have happened over the past 9 months brings not only joy, but sadness that everything happens so fast. I will be posting more very soon, especially with his first birthday being next week. We are having a 1st Birthday BBQ at our home on July 11th from noon-3pm, so please stop by if you can. Stay tuned and I promise you will not be disappointed.